Garbage manners / June 06, 2005

Get this.

In Japan, you are allowed to take your trash out only once (or, at best, twice) a week, and then only between the hours of 7 and 8 in the am.

Garbage rules. Complete with Engrish and everything.

I mean, how fucked up is that?

I hardly ever wake up before 2 pm - in fact, the only times I am up at 7 am is when I am coming off a marathon game session or when I am hurling insults at some fool on the insertcredit forums (most of them are yankees and that's about the time they start coming online). At such times I am usually dead tired, so the last thing I want to have to do is to carry several huge, disgusting garbage bags down four flight of stairs - with a bunch of angry cockroaches chasing after me for disturbing their sleep, no doubt.

And, in any case, I am Greek - we throw our garbage in the street, man. I mean what the hell are we paying them garbage-people for anyway? (Yeah, you read that right - if you are looking for politically correct content you came to the wrong internet.)

So what do I do with the trash then, you may be wondering. I simply wait until the stink in the kitchen becomes unbearable and then (regardless of the day of the week) I pick up the bags sometime after midnight and go drop them off as far away from the apartment as I can be bothered to walk. Usually, that means just a couple of blocks down the road. Also, to make sure I don't piss off the same people too much, I go off in a different direction every time.

Because, you see, people here can get very pissed off about such things. I know for a fact that they open up garbage bags and go through them looking for discarded mail or whatever, in order to find out where you live.

That's why I always make sure not to throw stuff in the trash that could be used to identify me.

If they do find out who teh perpetrator is, they start complaining like pussy-ass bitches to your landlord until he throws your ass on the street or something.

Or so I hear.

In any case, I've been doing this for more than a year now so take it from me - this plan works.

So, if you ever find yourself wandering the streets of downtown Tokyo in a stifling-hot summer night, and you see a six-foot-tall, half-naked Greek guy carrying two giant, stinking garbage bags, don't be a stranger - come on over and give me a hand.

If you don't suck too much I might even invite you to join me for some 5 am House of the Dead III action.

I even have 2 light guns.